Search This Blog

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Bourgeois in The Park

Zorro is playground deprived. I admit it. I rarely take him to the parks even though there are parks-a-plenty. Don't worry though, I make sure he gets plenty of outdoor time in our fabulously large backyard with too many toys (thank you Meg!) and other outings.

But why? You ask? Why would Zorro be deprived of the playgrounds? Well, let me remind you that I live in the land of the bourgeois, the place where keeping up with the Jones' is an impossible task because no one even knows who the Jones' are.

Here was a list of the cars from the last time I went to the playground: Mercedes, 2 Lexus, Jag, Honda and a Toyota (that would be me). It's true.

Every mom there was decked out in super cute clothes, hair and full face of make up looking like they were ready for a cocktail party sans dress. Each wedding ring must be at least 3 carats or you can't even "compete" in the Elite OC Mom's Clubs. And you might be forgiven your shoddy car debt if you at least carry a designer handbag and dress he part.

But it's not all this that keeps me away from the parks. I can deal with the looks of disapproval when I arrive in my massive nasty sweatshirts with boogers on them and faded yoga pants with stains and a hole. I can deal with it when I have a face full of zits like a teenager and the extent of my make up is probably the lip gloss i licked off about 2 hours earlier. Not lying, that's me! What bugs me though is the cattiness those mommys don't play nice.

The best part is though, that I am their BEST friend when they are there alone. With no other bourgeois mommy around, boy are they chatty, chatty, chatty. Bleh!

My favorite experience thus far was when it was just me and B-mommy at the park. Our kids were totally playing together so she felt the need to chat with me. I'm nice enough so I play along then her DH calls. He has to work late blah blah blah

the she does it...

She HAD to slip in something to sound totally impressive. To be absolutely amazing and clearly above me.

With a slight glance at me she says, "ok hunny since you're going to be at work so late why don't you order out and buy dinner with the black card tonight"

Uh hello that was NOT natural, totally forced! Just slipping it in there like one would casually mention to use your black card for take out. Yeah, right. Pretty sure he has a debit card that would do the job for take out. Save the black card for a month long European Vacation and purchase of a new car while your there. I mean seriously.


Then I bid her goodbye.

PS there are 2 "black cards" the Black Card by Visa and Centurion Card (aka "the Black card") by American Express. Visas is open to the public to apply for and sounds nifty if you don't know the difference has some luxury qualities. The American Express card is by invitation only and very exclusive.

I'm pretty sure we can guess which one they have.


Christy said...

Hey there old friend!

This is so strange to me. I can't even imagine this happening here. Almost all moms here are out and about in sweats, and Toyota is the minivan of choice for many of the moms I know. I have a Coach bag but it's about 4 years old and I'm sure that Coach is not good enough for that group. Wow, we really don't have much of that here. If someone drove to the playground in one of those cars and dressed like that, the rest of us would stare and wonder what planet she came from.

AND, I have never even heard of the Black card.

Bobbi said...

Ha! That's funny!

Ticia said...

I didn't know there was a black card..... Well, they'd be laughing at me too, oh well. I've run into that a time or two, but more from the "You have how many kids? And how old are they?" Mainly from Moms sitting there with one.
Oh well.

Mrs. D said...

I love you, I'd suggest you move here but I DON'T want to be here so I won't do that to you.

Same kind of crap here goes on at the playground. I can't stand it. Who takes the kids to play in the dirt dressed to the hilt?

Had the black card thing happened in my presence I would have said "You got one of those black cards?" and continued with, "they offered me one a few months back and I ditched it. It was entirely to irresponsible for them to even invite me" which is all true. I would have let her know anyone can get one. And then proceeded to let her know we are working on being debt free.

Have you heard debtfree is the new black?

Natalie Jane said...


One reason I love Tennessee, it is sooo easy to be stylish here.

Keri said...

oh my dear OC mom- you are the real deal! i can't stand fakeness or people who rub in their material items- are people seriously that consumed with themselves? sadly the answer is yes! it would make me feel awkward because i don't care about material things. i would totally not fit into that culture!
i have been so busy with my new job- i have missed reading your blog!
take care!!!!!!

cutiefruit21 said...

you are such a good writer! Im sitting here readin and I can totally picture everything you are describing!! honestly i wanted to read more!! lol! love u!

Custom Blog Design for Orange Juice by April Showers Blog Design