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Monday, April 27, 2009

Always Mommy

My Mommy (at Zorro's First Bday)

In my child's mind I never knew that there was a world my mom was a part of that was different from my own. I never knew she led an adult life, with adult thoughts, and adult feelings. Of course I didn't even know what adult was other than "a grown up." She had friends, desires, dreams. She laughed, joked and "played" in a different way. She enjoyed movies and music and things from her youth. She enjoyed "boring" shows, activities that I just could never understand and still her life was my own.

In my child's mind, her life was my life and everything was about me.

When I think of my mom, how was at my age, I think, "Did she act like me?", "Did she feel like I feel?", "Did she do the things I do?" She must have been more mature, more something..... And even 10 years older than me.....even now.

When I am my mom's age will still think she was years ahead of me? Will I understand that she must have felt like I feel now?

I guess I still think of her like I did when I was a child. She'll always be mommy.

My son will never really understand how separate our lives are no matter how close we may be. He'll see it when he has children of his own, but he will never really understand. It will always be about him. My life will always be his life. No matter how far apart we live and how separate our lives may be....

I will always be mommy.


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